Job Hunting Myths


580 words

Looking for work is hard, and a lot of it really doesn’t make that much sense.

Job Templates

Most jobs can be described in a few sentences.  What the Prime Minister does. would take barely a paragraph. But you have to put something in there, the company logo would look silly sitting over just a few sentences. Hmmm. How about something about needing a team player,  someone with great communication skills and a can-do attitude?  Copy and paste on the homepage text from the company website and you have 800 words no one reads.

Job Ads

As above. Why does SEEK give you that many words? If it ain’t bullet points it ain’t being read.

Listing interests on a resume

Don’t tell hiring managers you like eating out, movies or socialising with friends. Everyone hopes interacting in society is a given. You have lied on most of your resume so finish it off with Spanish lessons, helping the elderly and cryptocurrency. Sidenote- you would not believe how many people in IT do martial arts. All of them.

Science of hiring. 

 It’s all gut instinct once you are in that interview room. A firm handshake, live nearby, kids went to school together, like kelpies lab cross. Your STAR homework cannot compete against someone who knows your second cousin from an indoor soccer team. If your interview is just before lunch you can forget about it- no one hires hungry.

Recruitment Process. 

There is a process. Heaps of them inf act.  Everyone has one simultaneously and running with it as hard as they can. Like herding drunk chickens riding ferrets in a thunderstorm. Just hang on. Like your Uncle at the cricket, there is always one more round.

Meeting the team. 

This is another interview. Don’t ask where your desk is or start talking about your weekend. The come and meet the team is the hardest interview of all. Could be dozens of people with a range of interest and agenda’s potting questions from all angles. Treat it like poison ball and keep dodging.

Nailed it. 

You didn’t. If you ever walk out of an interview and tell someone you definitely got the job you definitely did not get the job. Sorry. Facts.

Great workers are the great interviewer. 

It’s the opposite The better you are at your job the less you can recognise how hard it is for others, or explain what actually you do. You can have an hour-long chat about blockchain’s future and Bill Murray but have no idea of the actual role title.

Resumes in General. 

No one reads them. Nope.. No really. From the recruiter to HR, to line manager to executive no one looks at it for more than a few seconds if at all. Even those HRtech algorithms are checking for ‘right’ word before guessing. Spend hours formatting if you like but you’d be better off vacuuming.

Location location location.

 Man, people can’t get the interview address right alot. Every recruiter is looking at their phone five minutes before the interview starts, just waiting for ‘what floor was it again?’ call. 

The follow-up. 

Remember that disco when you were a teenager where you took a deep breath and asked someone to dance? Or just a chat? Noone does that for getting a job. Sending a resume is like yelling across a room. Crowded with trucks. Revving. People employ people who followup but no one does. Could be an Australian thing. Like not dancing,

Capitalism

Don’t get me started.